The Crib: A Blog for New Parents

How do you name your child? Do you call a clan powwow, hunker down with pen in hand, write down possible names, and then pick out the name that sounds the prettiest? Or, do you do it like other parents do - Google? Trawl through a baby name dictionary? Or leave the naming to great aunts and uncles who feel it's completely within their right to foist onto a yet unborn child a name that's more ancient than the dinosaurs?

Naming Throughout the Ages

In days of yore, naming children had been a very simple process. Parents either named their children after a grandparent, the village wise man, or a rich but dying uncle. It was simpler still in the days of the tribes. Children were given the names that described them best. Think Big Rock, Little Foot, Heavy Waist, or maybe Round Gray Eyes Big as the Skies.

Strange, Stranger, Strangest

Today, thanks largely to a culture that puts such premium on being different and getting one up on the neighbor, parents engage in a mad dash to pick outlandish names for their kids. Not only are children's names getting longer by the day, they're also getting odder by the minute.

It may be tempting to hop onto the "give your child an unusual name" bandwagon but before you go name-crazy, know that too much eccentricity could possibly cost you child custody. Recently, in New Zealand, a child was made a ward of court so she could legally change the name her parents saddled her with - Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii.

Quirky Is Not Always Cute

I know, I know. We usually post names and their meanings in this section. Today, however, I'm making an exemption. Instead of posting a name you could possibly give your child, I'll list down the names you shouldn't, not just because they're too "out there" and sound awful but also because you're not legally allowed to.

The law considers the following names detrimental to a child's well-being:

1. Sex Fruit

2. Fish and Chips

3. Yeah Detroit

4. Keenan Got Lucy

5. Twisty Poi

6. Cinderella Beauty Blossom

7. Stallion

8. Fat Boy

Why detrimental? The court believes bizarre child names are a disability that socially handicaps the child during his or her most formative years. While this reasoning makes a lot of sense, it's strange that certain names have been blocked while others that are equally strange - have been allowed to stick.

The following names may be - and have in fact been - foisted by parents onto their children.

1. Midnight Chardonnay

2. Violence

3. Number 16 Bus Shelter

4. Russell Sprout

5. Jenna Bananarama